Frenchy’s Fracas

So, this theme I’ve been writing about is proving to be a lot of fun. Looking at a place you’ve been living in for more than 25 years and coming up with the right idiosyncracies you want to descibe, can be a bit difficult sometimes. Still have enough topics, but I thought it’d be interesting to turn it around and ask a native Dutchman living abroad about this funny little country.
So I asked my pal FlowerChild for input, he left Holland more than six or seven ten years ago, spent some time in the US and is now enjoying the life London-style. Here’s an edited version of his mail:

• Uhm, the Dutch feeling absolutely much better than any other civilization in the world.. It does have the best cheese tho, and who can say no to a syrup waffle.. [Another] one is of course complaining about something.. or saying no to new ideas.. authority has no value..
• The Dutch and their Caravans, the laughing stock of Europe, in the Summer month our neighbouring countries are anticipating the yellow wave (the Dutch number plate)
  [thx, I really was worried you meant something else - frenchy!]
• David Sedaris has a great piece or writing about Sinterklaas and 6 to 8 Blackmen, I have the CD and will send you that the moment we unpack all the books, might take a month or 2, need to build the bookshelves first.
• The growth hormones in the dairy products and being the tallest nation?
• The great divide in a small country with religion and Carnival.
• Weather forecast with 8 different symbols placed over Holland on the daily news, while in other countries the one and same weather symbol will cover areas much larger than the whole of the Netherlands.
• Dutch Movie is only Dutch when in the first 5 minutes naked people have been shown.
  [yep, always some nudity or softcore pr0n - frenchy!]
• Dutch Beers, small with foam.
• The Dutch driving license is on pink paper, that always gets an interesting frown with foreign police.
• The Dutch are a laughing people, good natured and especially handsome: If it ain’t Dutch, it ain’t Much..
  back to the beginning of my list.. (I just wrote a Boolean)
  [just go google the word, people - frenchy!]

Well, for me that’s a great addition to my list of topics, thanks, FlowerChild!

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First time on ice skates, hmm.. my first winter, the one of 79/80, in the little crummy village where we lived. No, hold on, that’s the first time I stood on ice, totally different experience, really.
I only read about the ice phenomenon when I was still in Curaçao but it really intrigued me. Of course, I had seen real ice, but only in movies that scary scene in one of the “The Omen” movies come to mind, scary stuff. Can you imagine a kid in the Caribbean reading in a school book about some Dutch kid skating on ice? That’s the Dutch education system for its colonies, back then.

But my first steps on the stuff were as expected a bit tense and cautious and after a coupla falls I really liked the ice. Then came the real first time on skates and that was quite a bit less enjoyable. We went to skate in the open as part of this school trip, I didn’t have any skates of my own so I borrowed a pair from a class mate. What nobody told me was that there are two types of skates: the well-known ice hockey skates and the long distance skates called “Noren” or Norsemen, classic Lost In Translation Stuff.

So, the whole group was putting on their skates and sped off leaving me on my own with my incredibly uncomfortable Noren. Let me describe the scene: a large piece of land divided by straight little lines of water about 3 to 4 meters wide, going on for quite some kilometers. Every other eight hundred meters or so you get a small bridge thingie that you have to step over/across/along to get back on the ice.
Oh, and did I mention that it was frigging cold?

Well, my challenge was to skate. Just that. Stand on those damn things and skate after my class mates, who were rapidly disappearing out of sight. It didn’t work for me, I just kept falling on my ass, my butt and other crucial body parts. So after finally reaching the second bridge, I gave up and wanted to return to the starting point. Didn’t have my shoes with me, so I had to endure another session of self-mutilation by skating back (or rather struggling to do so) . The last part of the distance, I just put on my skate protectors (yes, these are included) and walked along the ice thinking that a black kid from the tropics shouldn’t be on ice at all. Well at least not this kid. And the walking on ice skates, it’s called klunen.
You can imagine that after that experience I had this great reluctance about ice skating.

The Dutch are totally wild about this sport/hobby. The true Masters of Long Distance Skating are the people from the northern Friesland province, where there’s this Ultimate Endurance Race called the Elfstedentocht or The Tour of The Eleven Cities. When I first arrived in Holland in ‘79 it was a very long time ago that the race had been held, always dependent on the perfect weather conditions to let so many people skate such a physically challenging race. The last time was somewhere early in the sixties and since then, every winter people ‘d be full of tension and excitement: will there be a race this year?

In 1985 their prayers were answered, there was enough ice of the right thickness and the right weather to hold the race. This event is one of the moments where the Dutch let their hair down and party like it’s the end of the world, even those from the more level-headed and socially inflexible northern provinces. Every city along the route is filled with people cheering on the competitors and enjoying hot drinks, food and alcohol in the freezing cold. It’s not carnival in Rio, because our Brazilian brothers aren’t that stupid, I guess.. The gods were very kind for the Dutch because the next winter we had another Elfstedentocht! And that year was the year I decided to try the ice skating thing again.

This time it was on ice hockey skates, playing hockey with very experienced bastards who enjoyed tripping me up or body-checking me off the ice. That really helped me with my skating prowess so I have to be grateful for those brutal moments. After that year I did get out on the ice a coupla times, but it’s been quite a long time and I really don’t remember if I still have the skates.

You wanna learn the Dutch? Start talking about ice skating (not ice hockey, that’s too painful) or if you get the chance go to the Elfstedentocht. Bring along your own booze and you’ll have friends for life..
And a coupla years back I was in Curaçao for Christmas and to my surprise they had a temporary ice rink for the holidays. The rink was in a closed-off tent with a gazillion generators to keep the ice stable while outside it was just steamingly hot. Silly rabbits..

References:
Ice Skate
Elfstedentocht
Another Elfstedentocht site

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Flickr Favorites(25), originally uploaded by frenchy_rjp.

If any of the copyright owners object to my use of their images, contact me and I’ll remove the image immediately!

1. Fire in Sky 2,
2. AIR-BORN…,
3. SF Sea of Clouds,
4. exhale,
5. brink,
6. BlooDy SeduCtion,
7. jump!,
8. A Última Dança (The Last Dance),
9. Dovercourt Lower Lighthouse

Created with fd’s Flickr Toys.

(this stuff is copyrighted to their creator/owner, so btfo and just enjoy!)

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General Description
Artist/Band: Pete Philly & Perquisite ||
Album Title: Mystery Repeats
Year: 2007

Ambition, energy and quality.

How I Got Into This Music
Saw these guys on MTV (remember that?) and I didn’t realise they were Dutch. The strong presence of Pete Philly stuck with me and when Hieronymus Fox and me went to see them play live a while back, I saw a band that was entertaining, professional and ambitious. Their mix-up of rap and music styles works for me. Just read that this new album’s topping the Dutch charts, so I head to get me a listen.

Google Search for reviews of this album || Band details at Answers.com || More on the adlbum at ||

Tracks that got my attention:
Clap Kick Flow
Excellent intro track, the vocal setup is a pleasant surprise.

Womb To Womb
A genuine Floor-Filler, catchy hook, nice raps and subtle production.

Fish To Fry
This one’s a very intelligently produced track - almost single material, not sure if it’d work, hey, I like it a lot!

Q & A
A catchy chorus isn’t enough in this case..

Believer
Wow, old-school scat crooning (mind out of the gutter please..). A very catchy song, skillful performance, showing the diverse range of rapper and band.

Awake
There’s a Galliano and Jamiroquai vibe going on, not sure if it works for me. I can imagine many a teenager chanting this one.

Last Love Song
Another Jamiroquai thing and remember, Jamiroquai wasn’t the originator of that style either.. But this track’s also one you have to see live.

Freestyle
Intro’s just a bit too much Outkast for my taste. The rest is quite okay.

Empire
A very mature track, great airplay potential.

High Tide
Taking risks, nice! Less safe, more interesting..

Mystery Repeats
Smart song, great energy, nice string arrangement in the background and in the chorus.

Time Flies
Love this song, melancholy yet feel good. Catchy, great vocals.

Conclusion
Hmm.. Yet another impressively professional music production from the Lowlands. I love the energy these guys have especially live. There is nothing wrong with this album, it deserves the attention and success it’s having, because these guys work friggin’ hard to deliver the goods.
My review is a mix of pros and cons: not totally my taste, sometimes sounding a bit too much like other current artists, but.. They’re more than okay, I’m very curious how these guys evolve and there’s no friggin’ reason for this band not to become successful internationally.
In the meantime, go see this band perform live, their energy is worth it!!

Rating:

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So now we get to one of the most typical Dutch pastimes: the bicycle. This country and its culture view this transportation vehicle as something more than just the two-wheeled mechanism that it truly is. For the Dutch it’s their way to get around to get the groceries, to pick up their kids from school, to deliver the coal for heating (I’m flash backing, I know), to get to church (some Protestant variants not only forbid the use of the car to get to church, but also the bicycle), and much more.

In the larger cities you don’t need to go to a shop to buy yourself a new or used bike, you just walk around the neighbourhood and ask a junkie to get you one for a very competitive price. Sometimes you’ll even be able to buy a bike that strangely resembles the one that had been stolen from you just a coupla weeks ago. In my first ten years in Rotterdam, I was on the receiving end of the bicycle theft culture for about six or seven times. Ah, good days..

Another interesting thing about the bicycle, for the Dutch it’s also a way of exploring their own country: the road system in Holland has its own bicycle roads for you to get from the high north of Groningen to Vlissingen in the southern province of Zeeland. This road system is also evident when riding in any city, village or in-bred hovel: the more busy roads have a separate and protected bicycle road next to them.

Bicycle riders rule as King, because almost always the car driver is expected to yield to the two-wheeled driver. And this leads to funny social situations where in the city, bike riders cut off cars in heavy traffic knowing that no car driver wants to get in that kind of trouble. The same car driver will curse the bike rider, but know that the same driver will be doing the same thing when riding a bike him/herself.

A special category are the parents, the bikes are fitted with special seats for the under-six kiddies and it’s a common thing to see a parent on a bike with one child on the back and one on the front. These people expect all other traffic to treat them with holy reverence and special care while they’re the ones endangering their children’s lives.

The bicycle is part of this country’s subconscious, their sense of freedom and individuality, think of it as ‘Easy Rider’ but then situated in Holland and without the drugs and booze. Well, mostly without the D&B because it’s one of the most common things to hop on a bike after a evening of very serious drinking. And many a police officer will tell you about the amount of verbal abuse they endure when pulling a drunk offender from his bike.

But things are changing a bit; the country that values its bicycle tradition has suddenly adopted a strange custom: the wearing of bicycle helmets. I now see parents riding alongside their helmeted kids as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. And it gets even scarier, adults themselves are donning these helmets! If you’re riding the Tour de frigging France or mountain-biking off some rough mountain terrain, I get the need to use such a thing, but why should you wear the damn thing when going to church, getting the groceries, etc?
Protecting your kids is a good thing, but you didn’t mind letting them ride on busy city streets before, so why change the approach? The helmet makes it safer, yes, if they fall off the bike and hit their heads, but do tell me this: how the hell is it gonna protect your darling child from an SUV with a kangaroo-killing bull-bar?

I’m guessing people do like to exchange their sense of indepence for a sense of safety and protection, I just don’t know if it’s a Dutch thing or not..

References:
Wikipedia: Cycling In The Netherlands

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